if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
