She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
