She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
