my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
