I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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