I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
