Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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