Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
