my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
