i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
