i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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