You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
