sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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