im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
