He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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