Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
