I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
