i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
