I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
