I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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