Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
