this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
