Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
