Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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