Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
