I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
