Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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