Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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