You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
