the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
