Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
