You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
