i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
