so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
