the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
