i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
