Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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