u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
did i just pee glitter
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
