If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
