Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
