She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
