Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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