when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have aggressive nipples.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
