His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
