Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
not ubering you a puppy
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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