A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
