cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
