She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
