So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
