awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
