Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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