well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
