Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
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You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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