If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
