At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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