Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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