It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
