We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
