Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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