omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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