As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That accounts for only three of the penises
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
