I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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