So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
