You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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