i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
