If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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