First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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