i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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