I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
