New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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