a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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